don’t worry i don’t want you anymore


i wasn’t good enough for you

all your expectations

cheating on love

like it was nothing


with all your power

you rejected it

and i am just beginning to see

that love isn’t real anyways


so maybe you were smart

you couldn’t be fooled

by love

love is just an emotion


that tore us apart

traps you in it’s clutches

deserts you when you give your heart


such fools we are

to believe in  such a thing


i wasn’t good enough for you

only good for a screw

after you got all you wanted

you were through


i wasn’t good enough for you

you had better things to do

left me hanging

like my soul was dead

too many men in my bed


not one was ever good enough for me



they never came close


to what we had



isn’t  it  sad


























like a dam bursting

my spirit flows

dulled by the control

matrix that wants my soul

my nirvana is leaking

like acid

you’ve fucked me up long enough

my head is messed

but my soul is cool

i know I’ve been a fool

but love is

coming to the rescue……
























i had a very weird dream last night….all of a sudden…the earth was turned and churned…i looked out and i could see the acropolis down the street …but there was no street…all was huge upheavals of land and buildings…the earth had rearranged itself into a mass of contortions….mountains, cities, boulders of earth pushed up….nothing was the same…everything changed….in the blink of an eye….an overwhelming sense of disbelief…..chaos……i tried calling my mother to see if she was alive….many had died… was like a massive earthquake, unlike any before….the whole earth  quaked…not just a part of it….it was all rearranged…instead of a normal house and street in front of you…there was a huge mountain, and boulders, the earth had changed and rearranged itself…..


My interpretation of this dream :

Sometimes when we have “bad dreams” or nightmares…it can mean or symbolize other than what it appears as….i sometimes have premonition dreams too….this dream happened shortly before i invested in some land ….the land was very remote and surround by mountains…completely different from my present surroundings….i would lay in bed thinking about what it would be like to live there…the rattle snakes, tarantulas, scorpions, bears, cougars, high crime in surrounding cities & state….i also daydream A LOT about living a nomad life, and if i should live out of a van, or get a truck & camper….all these thoughts and visions constantly rolling around my head….so i think this dream was a combination of the possible land ownership in a faraway place (premonition) ….and a deep desire to live a nomadic life….THIS WAS A PREMONITION DREAM ……a few weeks after this dream i was investigating land opportunities, in which i actually started the process of buying a remote 10 acre parcel of land in the high dessert……but after a few sleepless nights worrying about how i would survive living there….and of all the possible things that could happen, and what a hardship it would be to live without what i am accustomed to (toilet, running water, shower, electricity, medical care…..)  I TALKED MYSELF OUT OF IT !

So right now i appreciate more what i have, a comfortable roof over my head, a warm fireplace on cold winter days, always food, water, toilet, shower, and nearby hospital if i get very ill… my age, i want to survive comfortably, not struggle harder, and put myself in unpredictable dangers, (more than i have to).   But i know my thinking will change again, as it is winter now, and i’m in the survival hunker down mode…..when i get more energized (springtime) i will think i’m practically invincible, and will figure out how i can be a nomad again…..



























being in love…then it ends

when it ends….then it begins

when it begins…..then it ends

always wanting….never satisfied

never satisfied ….always wanting

pushing and pulling….filling and emptying

if you can stop wishing…you will never want

be like a rock….calm under stress

be like you’re dead…before you die

before you die….live life fully

relax relax… work work

work work work….till you’re a jerk…..

when you’re a jerk… need to be alone

i love being alone all the time….does that mean i’m a jerk ?

i laugh at myself…..i love laughing

i rarely cry anymore….only when i think of you

when i think of us…’s a crying shame

it’s a crying shame…this is such a game

we gotta figure out…what this is

when we think we know…then we don’t….

when we don’t know….we wanna know…

emotions like the oceans……………….