Para mi amiga española

the goddess in me is blissful

despite the anguish and pain

my soul being tortured

because it’s the only way i learn

to realize who i really am

the more i suffer

the more i have compassion for myself

and realize who i am

funny how that works

every time i leave this sorry ass

hole guy

i am enveloped by a aura of heavenly bliss

i experience nirvana when i am alone

realizing that is all there is

the nirvana is me

the samsara is me

the samsara tortures me only to make room

for the bliss that follows

they work together

they are one

i am one

i am you

you are me

this is us

no beginning

no end

this ass hole guy is really crazy wisdom

forcing me to see

the bliss

of being alone

he irritates the shit out of me

my aloneness is blissful

alone bliss

one bliss

all

alone

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

into the light

 

praying for justice

praying for peace

 

into the night

 

fighting for justice

fighting for peace

 

evolve into the light

 

no need to fight

let the night be lit with stars

and moonlight

let silence fill the air

with love

may all wounds be healed

 

hear our prayers

hear our prayers

hear our prayers

 

tired of the suffering

it’s killing us

all

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

sitting here about to

unwrap

 

 

unzipping

your pack

 

then

 

my lips touch your skin

and i suck

you in

 

 

i quit

 

and start again

and again

again

 

 

my virgin lips

that never kiss

 

they only

suck

and blow

 

 

 

 

you’ve fucked me up

 

but i still go

 

sucking

like a hoe

 

i do you

and do you

 

do you

and do you

do you

and

do you

doe

 

 

why

 

do you

do you

do you

do you

do you

do you

 

 

always want

more

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

awakening from my sleep

a night of dreaming

to another dream…. awake

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I had a dream about the Dalai Lama last night.  He was on a roller coaster ride with a bunch of kids behind him… he was in control of the speed and made it go REAL FAST…when it stopped… everyone was extremely tired and I had to help them get into bed…they were so sweet and well behaved kids…as I left them to sleep one of them wanted to say a Tara mantra (like saying your prayers)… I had forgotten how to say it…so the tired Dalai Lama said it laying down …

Funny how dreams come together from bits and pieces of your daytime encounters…

I was talking to someone earlier that day how my life was like a scary roller coaster ride…

I also saw several photos of the Dalai Lama before I went to bed…

I also thought about a mantra before I went to sleep…

I also watched a documentary last night about child trafficking & Hollywood Satanic influence…

 

 

I also mentioned to someone before i went to sleep  , how i am not very good at writing prose and storytelling….and that was why i wrote poetry instead…haha

I have been writing down my dreams for decades….it’s like trying to interpret cryptic poetry……sometimes my poetry is very cryptic….like dreams….

 

I revised  this post exactly  27 times already…………

 

i rarely revise my poetry…..

 

 

 

 

 

the rocks that rumble silently are mine

earth sounds i hear beat rolls across my room

i scratch the beat  that’s dead created time

and weave into this solid mass time loom

rock is the photograph of times ruin

continuation clings like a disease

yet the living sleep inside a tomb

entertaining themselves with memories

winding antique clocks under christmas trees

ignorant of timeless and flawless days

writing diaries and painting the seas

chiseling emotions from time stained clays

and i pity us, if we too follow

these blind hypocrites  in time they wallow

 

 

 

(1967)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

it’s half past three

i had my pee

smoking a cigarette

for free

 

waiting for sleep to kick in

the cats still out

and i am in

 

my neck is sore

coughing from smoke

the world is dying

it’s not a joke

 

my hands are dry

from so much washing

i forgot to think of flossing

 

thank god i have

food to eat

and toilet paper

by my seat

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

the gyms are closed

work is slow

he’s home more often

nowhere to go

he drives me crazy

his sloppy ways

he doesn’t wash his

stuff always

i tell him he has to

take a bath

he thinks i am

a bitch for that

he scares me when

he starts yelling

i’m already looking

for a different

dwelling

 

 

 

it’s half past two

i’m still not tired

the crickets are chirping

the cat is pawing

my hand is numb

from holding the phone

i should just take my pills

so i can sleep

i think i’ll get up

and take a leak

then i’ll smoke a cigarette

and wait until

i can forget

as dreamtime takes me

on a trip

the cats meowing

to go outside

the pee is leaking from inside

i finely went

i feel much better

now i will post

my empty blather

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

my heart just jumped

when i saw your name

you sexy man that cooks

from Spain

 

 

 

 

 

 

the house is still

the salt lamp glowing

cat on my legs

crystals flowing

i hear the sound of crickets chirping

they’re not outside

but in my ears

lurking

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

one flick a day is all i can handle

i’m getting to be an expert fandal

so many flicks not worthy of watching

amazing how easy to get brainwashing

hollywoods job to entertain

is really to mush our little brain

easy it is to control the masses

when our eyes are glued

sitting on asses

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

quiet and peaceful

in this house

a bowl of popcorn

 

on my lap

cheesecake in the refrigerator too

it is so heavenly

with nothing

to do

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

my cat went outside

hunting for mice to bring me

as an offering

 

i open the door

stepping on the mouse that lay

on the altar floor

 

the mouse and it’s guts

bulging out for me to see

she really loves me

 

is this what the gods

expect to prove ourselves

sacrificial love

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

it’s the midnight hour

and i feel hot

 

the fireplace is roaring

but I’m not

 

bored to tears

nothing excites me

 

wish I was tired

but sleep dispites me

 

I don’t know what

to do with myself

surrounded by walls

inside this house

 

 

while my cat goes outside

to find a mouse

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

after a long

stiff

winter

 

time for new

beginnings

that feel

never-ending

again

and again

again

 

 

apple blossom

buds

blooming

in the warm

morning sunshine

 

a sweet gentle rain

 

 

thunder crashing

and a heavy

downpour

to cleanse

my mind

of icicles

dripping

like daggers

 

 

 

clothe me

in

a dress

of apple blossoms

and  a sunshine

hat

 

breathe some life into me

 

and make me less fat

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

you come to me here

like jumping into my bed

making love to me

with your likes

like kisses

all over my body mind

although we don’t understand

each other’s language

we communicate love

with likes

like kisses

 

on our mind

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

your love deep inside

my body dead like winter

you in ecstacy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

letting go

 

after all these years

accumulating everything

to survive

in comfort

 

while dying

inside

 

now realizing

how freeing it is

to just let go

 

to get ready

for my next

show

 

where i will have less

 

but will still

try to be as comfortable

and beautiful

as i can

in my

Gypsy van

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i let go of my job

i let go of my bills

but i still hang on to

my toliet

how i love it so

i do not want to let go

i just want to

go in luxury

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

sitting here enveloped

in this mess i made

looking for a cure for my body aches

my bath is waiting

so i can soak  it up

 

living the life of leisure

writing poetry

 

so i can see

the mess i made

 

before i go

on to the next mess

 

until my messes are

cleaned up

 

and there’s nothing left to mess

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I never know

what I’m gonna write

These words just come

Like they turned on the light

In darkness I am cool

No words are needed

Then they turn the damn light on

And something is kneaded

So I roll it around on my unfloured

Thing here

Sometimes it sticks or will bake a few days

Sometimes it burns or I’ll throw it away

Never do I know what’s next

Amazing I am never perplexed

I never did talk quite normal

I never did like talking formal

The world in my head is quite comfy

In chaos

I try to explain it but something is hiatus

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

my body heavy

like a mountain in love

the sweet smell of earth

 

my mothers voice

embedded in every cell

the buddha within

 

if you ignore her

she will find another way

she never gives up

 

learn how to listen

her voice is very subtle

until it’s not

 

 

 

 

when my love was pure

you came inside of me

but i didn’t know

it was you

your light

gave me buoyancy

but now

it’s slowly leaving me

deflated

like flat tires

on a truck

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

alone

 

i am

 

blissful

 

never sad

 

but sadness is in love with me

it lingers

like a cats tail

between my legs

 

caressing

me with it’s scent

 

it’s hell bent

 

to make me feel

real

 

so i can stroke

the soft tenderness

that lingers

at my feet

 

the sweet sadness

of love

 

never

leaves

 

me

 

alone

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

don’t worry i don’t want you anymore

 

i wasn’t good enough for you

all your expectations

cheating on love

like it was nothing

 

maybe you were smart

you couldn’t be fooled

by love

an emotional fart

 

that ripped us apart

 

traps you in it’s clutches

deserts you when you give your heart

 

such fools we are

to believe in  such a thing

 

i wasn’t good enough for you

only good for a screw

after you got all you wanted

you were through

 

i wasn’t good enough for you

you had better things to do

left me hanging

like my soul was dead

 

too many men in my bed

 

not one was ever good enough for me

 

 

they never came close

 

to what we had

 

 

isn’t  it  sad

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

oh man

I have gone over the edge

And I don’t care

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

like a dam bursting

my spirit flows

dulled by the control

matrix that wants my soul

my nirvana is leaking

like acid

you’ve fucked me up long enough

my head is messed

but my soul is cool

i know I’ve been a fool

but love is

coming to the rescue……

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i had a very weird dream last night….all of a sudden…the earth was turned and churned…i looked out and i could see the acropolis down the street …but there was no street…all was huge upheavals of land and buildings…the earth had rearranged itself into a mass of contortions….mountains, cities, boulders of earth pushed up….nothing was the same…everything changed….in the blink of an eye….an overwhelming sense of disbelief…..chaos……i tried calling my mother to see if she was alive….many had died…..it was like a massive earthquake, unlike any before….the whole earth  quaked…not just a part of it….it was all rearranged…instead of a normal house and street in front of you…there was a huge mountain, and boulders, the earth had changed and rearranged itself…..

 

My interpretation of this dream :

Sometimes when we have “bad dreams” or nightmares…it can mean or symbolize other than what it appears as….i sometimes have premonition dreams too….this dream happened shortly before i invested in some land ….the land was very remote and surround by mountains…completely different from my present surroundings….i would lay in bed thinking about what it would be like to live there…the rattle snakes, tarantulas, scorpions, bears, cougars, high crime in surrounding cities & state….i also daydream A LOT about living a nomad life, and if i should live out of a van, or get a truck & camper….all these thoughts and visions constantly rolling around my head….so i think this dream was a combination of the possible land ownership in a faraway place (premonition) ….and a deep desire to live a nomadic life….THIS WAS A PREMONITION DREAM ……a few weeks after this dream i was investigating land opportunities, in which i actually started the process of buying a remote 10 acre parcel of land in the high dessert……but after a few sleepless nights worrying about how i would survive living there….and of all the possible things that could happen, and what a hardship it would be to live without what i am accustomed to (toilet, running water, shower, electricity, medical care…..)  I TALKED MYSELF OUT OF IT !

So right now i appreciate more what i have, a comfortable roof over my head, a warm fireplace on cold winter days, always food, water, toilet, shower, and nearby hospital if i get very ill…..at my age, i want to survive comfortably, not struggle harder, and put myself in unpredictable dangers, (more than i have to).   But i know my thinking will change again, as it is winter now, and i’m in the survival hunker down mode…..when i get more energized (springtime) i will think i’m practically invincible, and will figure out how i can be a nomad again…..

 

But maybe this dream was a premonition of the world wide Corona Virus ?????

IDK.

 

6-3-20

OR maybe it was a premonition of the current turbulence caused by the cop that killed George Floyd ????

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

being in love…then it ends

when it ends….then it begins

when it begins…..then it ends

always wanting….never satisfied

never satisfied ….always wanting

pushing and pulling….filling and emptying

if you can stop wishing…you will never want

be like a rock….calm under stress

be like you’re dead…before you die

before you die….live life fully

relax relax…..work work work

work work work….till you’re a jerk…..

when you’re a jerk…..you need to be alone

i love being alone all the time….does that mean i’m a jerk ?

i laugh at myself…..i love laughing

i rarely cry anymore….only when i think of you

when i think of us…..it’s a crying shame

it’s a crying shame…this is such a game

we gotta figure out…what this is

when we think we know…then we don’t….

when we don’t know….we wanna know…

emotions like the oceans……………….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

sitting here looking

in a mirror as i type this

wondering what’s next

 

my body breaking

down from abuse i never

thought it would happen

 

this soon i still think

i am young but my hands look

like i’m a hundred

 

i was such a fool

to think any of my dreams

would ever come true

 

but the dream of love

was my biggest dream of all

as it never ends

 

because i never stopped

thinking of you all these years

where did it begin

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

well i’m chucking all the bills

and giving away my frills

dreaming about the hills

but my body is breaking down

like a van with too many miles

so when i get it fixed

heading for the sticks

on route 66

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

listening to you play

is soothing to my soul

you are so beautiful

you gorgeous man

may the universe

bless you with

all that’s peaceful

blooming

with the scent

of rose

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

the bliss of relaxing

after hard work & stress

is soothing to the soul

a glass of wine

rich with divine

or fresh squeezed orange juice

even left over pizza

even day old coffee drunken

from a styrofoam cup

after going through hell

ordinary phenomena

is nirvana

 

 

 

 

 

transitioning seasons

the seasons of change

birth sickness old age death

in spring we are born

in summer bugs bite us

in fall fruit falls down

winter frozen stiff

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

sitting on a rock

the wind blowing through my hair

and scattering leaves

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i love wild horses

i love wild hair

i love wild flowers

in my hair

i love wild sky

windy and cool

i love wild hearts

free and fool

wild is my nature

wild is free

black is my color

deep like the sea

deep is my love

deep is my soul

deep is the sky

above and below

wild and deep

wild and deep

when you get to the edge

take the leap

 

indescribable

is the passionate beauty

of nature dying

 

death is just a word

it doesn’t really exist

ask the cherry tree

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

you like poetry that’s happy and gay

like watching a disney movie

with nothing to say

just be hypnotized by the mice as they play

cinderella stories not life-like decay

poetry that reeks of disaster

rips the mask off of your

pleasant white plaster

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i can’t wait to get drunk again

and write about my pathetically

sad gut wrenching lack of love life

when i had nothing else to give

i gave it all away…like a whore….

i guess i was expecting love in return…

they must have thought there was

an endless supply…they must have thought

i was some kind of goddess whore…

funny….but my love never died…

even when you tried to bury it…

i hope this heart made of blood clots

and broken arrows will someday

flow again

so i don’t wind up here roaming

around….like a pathetic sad ghost

writing sad pathetic poetry…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i lost my marbles

when i was young

they were very old

 

with swirls of glitter

found in an old house attic

in a drawstring pouch

 

now searching the internet

for my beautiful marbles

going crazy

 

just what i needed

another thing to grasp at

marbles should be lost

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i remember us

making love like dogs in heat

in abandoned buildings

 

then you abandoned me

and your love came crashing down

brick by brick by brick

 

i stood there buried

in the dark waiting for you

but you never came

 

rising from the dead

drinking my blood to survive

i gave birth alone

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

if i was younger

i would flirt with you all day

until sundown

but i am missing

a part of me that’s alive

killed by heartache

i don’t know how i even survive

this dead romantic

heart ripped out

replaced by a lotus flower

that grows in the dark

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

thank you very much

for your support and good vibes

♥️

i am still alive

all the dead i have eaten

have given me life

i will write a poem

after i finish this beer

if i’m still alive

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

sometimes not knowing

what’s really going on inside

can be surprising

 

my body vibrates

from drinking too much coffee

and smoking too much

breathing in and out

my lips wet with this latte

staring at this screen

 

 

 

 

 

 

i gaze at my hand

thinking about some

beautiful flower

petal

that you would look at

and see the simple beauty

in the unelaborated

moment of time

stopping

breathless

a

tiny flower

petal

falling

from the eye of sky

like a ninja

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

palm trees fern and date

gold diamonds and emerald

sandalwood and myrrh

mother earth

simple in her youth

lush with bounty

and extravaganza

as she aged

into a fat ass bitch

jimi you make me

feel so divine with lime you

purple haze my mind

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

hanging by a thread

waiting for my wings to spread

living like i’m dead

 

 

he drives me crazy

everything he does

the emotional roller fucking ride

i can’t calm down

when i get obsessed

i ride this wild horse

like i’m possessed

i wanna run away

he won’t leave me alone

he thinks he loves me

but it’s only his bone

he fills me with rage

like an animal caged

some day i’ll be free i dream

while i stay

[THIS IS THE VAN I BOUGHT]

 

a lot of the poetry i write is born from the desire to leave my conventional life that i feel trapped by….i actually bought a high top van about a month ago, and i felt so secure knowing that i had a place to live when i decided to escape this rat race…but i traded the van for another vehicle because i forgot that i still have to live here one more year and go through another winter…and i did not want to get up every morning and have to scrape the snow and ice off my van….as it was way too tall to fit inside a garage…..i now regret trading it in….BUT at the end of next year i will be ready again to buy another one…and get it fixed up to live in….so i will pay off my bills in the coming year and save up money….i will be moving out of my apartment in November, and moving to someones house and i won’t have to pay any rent….so i can work one more year…pay off bills and save money…trade the car for a van…get all the necessary things to make it livable & start living in my van….this is my dream life……

 

Here is just one of zillions of videos out there of people living in their vans & loving it……

The life of a Nomad :

 

gut wrenching tears

working all my life for what

wishing i was dead

 

fuck all the bills

fuck all the frills

head for the hills

 

 

endless bliss blue sky

endless bliss stars twinkling

endless bliss blissing

 

no job togo to

no sound to hear

nothing to worry about

 

hum hum hum hum

ha ha ha ha

da da da da

nature is freedom

only man pays for his keep

as he rapes her

 

the natural state

is mans only escape

from this prison world

 

how do you get there

as you slave working til death

just disappear ?

 

wherever you go

you have to hide your freedom

or they will find you

 

i want to go to

this natural state of freedom

what price do i pay ?

 

 

 

 

 

It’s so sweet to dream

I will do this and that thing

My bed will be big

 

All the gut wrenching

Mind fucks this planet observes

Swimming in honey

 

What is this evil

Trying to prevent freedom

Always in control

 

I want to escape

From the land of law and order

This honeytrap life

when i was young

i didn’t know

i didn’t know

where i would go

i never made

any plans

i just trusted

invisible hands

now youth is gone

and looking back

at all the trust

i gave away

i ended up

here

upside down

all my love

spilled

to the ground

the ground is rich

with all my love

and all the diamonds

to be found

 

 

 

 

all the booze

i don’t care

drunk

on myself

in my despair

 

the memories

of us

so in love

turned to gin

again and again

 

when i think

of us

my body cries

without your love

my body dies

dead so long

without your love

dead so long

without your love

 

dead so long

without your love

 

dead so long

without your love

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

my heart

 

so sweet

like an angel

then

you

broke it

apart

 

our love

flowing out

like lava

hot

 

now turned

to stone

 

a

jagged

pot

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

every time i think of us

in love

i cry

fuck you love

you made me

 

die

i am a gypsy

enslaved by the matrix

dying to be free

 

my breath of spirit

my breathing of dragon fire

this is ecstasy

 

 

this blank space of light

and you waiting for something

this is all there is

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

in the moonlight full

i escape into the night

and howl my freedom

mother nature… the bitch of love

desire is her trick

she’ll make you think you need it now

that’s why you have a dick

you fall in love a million times

as much as you have sperm

all she wants is mass production

love is on her terms

 

 

MY LIFE IS RICH

AND IMA BITCH

GOT PLENTY TO EAT

MY CRIB IS NEAT

 THE MAN THAT I’M WITH

I DO NOT TRUST

HE’S CHEATED GAZILLIONS

WITH ALL HIS LUST

 MY LOVE IS DEAD

FUCKING IS BORING

IT’S WHAT I DREAD

HE LOVES WHORING

I HAVE A BEAUTIFUL CLOUD

FOR A BED

I’D GIVE IT ALL UP

FOR LOVE INSTEAD

 

i drink the nectar of roses

then i smoke a cig

i feel flashes of nirvana

then i cook a pig

 i wanna be celibate

then i blow his mind

this the hard place

between a rock

*

i work my ass off

to pay my bills

i am not happy

so i  buy more frills

all i ever wanted

was a good man to love

but all i ever got

was a leather

glove

*

 

 

my mind is tight now

but if i drink to make it loose

it will swirl into a paisley

exotic and hazy

and then i go crazy

and wanna get

outta here

where the

body

lies cold

and end

this

 

so

on and on i go

juggling life like a magician

keys in the ignition

engaged in activities

like i am sane

picking and choosing

what to play

in this game

afraid to let go

of my control

(this is insane)

stuck in samsara

suffering and karma

but

it would be so nice

just

to help ease your pain

 

India gold and perfume

Id rather sleep till noon

Give me my bed

I’d rather be dead

Than be a slave

In this grave

Of foo foo

leaving my cave soon

heavenly sleeping till noon

must put the chains on

fancy gold from india

and drag my ass

back to samsara

 

icing on the window
communicating
sweet words of nothing

like stars in the sky
appearing magically
disappearing silently

leaving me

breathlessly

not thinking
of what to say
drinking wine

music so intense
no pretence
the sadness
lingering

i want to escape

from this cage of illusion

of expanding bars

 

thinking where to go

only makes it more spacious

there’s nowhere to run

 

so what do you do

when you find yourself longing

to go far away

 

take a whiff of sandalwood

and bless your skin

with the bliss of bombay

 

 

Dancing  slowly with you…

my dark darling death…

only heartache in this realm of desire…

yet we always return…

to the womb..

attracted by the scent of lust…..

when all desire is gone…

there will be no more suffering….

 

 

my naked body stretches

the coolness of space

that is endless

Seasons changing… spins my head

all these years living….like I’m dead

leaves falling like hair

my body cold

Snow…. like ashes…

forgetting… old

until remembered

again and again…

Channel #5 ,  Joy & Oud….

when we get to the bardo

there will be food !

 

 

sweet child of light

living in this dark dark world

how you have survived ….

blood like molten lava

heart made from the

nectar of flowers…..

some day you will shine

in the black silent sky

 

drinking tea from a bowl…

i sit here amazed….

wind blowing through the pine trees….

a screen door separating

the natural world from me…..

(i didn’t want to let the bugs in)

but i feel like a bug myself…

in this house of dust….

while the dirt outside

is clean and fresh….

(except for the  tailpipes exhaust)

a juxtaposition

of my exhausting life….

 

 

 

 

 

all i have

is this heart

made from

heartache

 

my blood

drips

as

tears

blind me

 

my invisible

heart

beats

alone

 

 

who is this green queen you know….

i am queen of black

who longs for the king of hearts

now i know i’m not the one

for you know her more

what a fool i am

 

One sunflower not wilting

still holds his head up

the others look drunk

still thinking i’m a lover

and looking so hot

then realize

i’m not

 

 

suspended in a state of anxiety

this existence of swirling energy

i wonder what it feels like to be the sun

images and conceptions

this wild frenzy of life

take me away into deep space

deep silence

or

maybe i should just

meditate…

i quit

my shit is shit

so that is it

 

as light shimmers

across an ocean of love

my heart vibrates for you

like  hot summer roses in bloom

you intoxicates me

 with your scent of love

 

like thorns on a rose

love protects the beauty

inside the heart

 

one without heart

 like a rose without scent

has no poetry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

the color of life persists

in the universe

milarepa ate nettles

 

the goddess tara exudes

rays of compassion

one speck of love bursts into

a forest of trees

 

my heart captures your beauty

like a broken cup

mended with love

 

 

 

magnificent sky flower

you open my heart

and love grows inside me

 

on the beach

 washed up sea shells

sky wide as

the suns melody

sand hot as

crab cakes

 iced lemonade lips

kissed naked

by your side

jewels of sand

glittering

Amen

 

 

black moon

black sky

black hole

black eye

black swan

black horse

black dog

black hearse

 

 

a washed up sea shell

soothed by an ocean of tears

heart pounded into sand

 

 

 

fucked

a million times

by

someone who never

loved

her

what did she become

living with a devil-man

lust

was all he

knew

spent his money

on his

obsessions

wish she had listened

to her

intuitions

now she is

a

mermaid

living in the

sea

sleeping on a

bed of pearls

drinking lotus

tea

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Artwork by Erte “Water” )

I am a dreamer

and I imagine it’s you

have I gone insane

 

he talks about love

is he thinking of me

or some beautiful

young thing

 

thirty years in hell

stripping away all my youth

true love is timeless

 

funny how we dream

self preservation

dancing in Bollywood

 

 

 

 

dreaming i was

choking

inside a

murky aquarium

i learned to

adapt

breathing

unworldly air

my mind relaxed

there must  be some

naga blood

flowing through my

veins

i saw the ganges river

milky white

boulder’s of emeralds

rubies

topaz

glistening in the

light

did i cross the

river

over the triple

gem

or did i trip and

fall

fall

fall

fall

fall

fall

in

 

 

 

*

Don’t worry

i am kind

the kind that loves

loves to relax

all day

*

I’m not

beautiful

or young

maybe I’m

not the one

but I will hold you

in my arms

and laugh at all

your  charms

love

can do it all

so don’t worry

baby

everything

will be

fine

fine

fine

 

♥

 

 

 

it’s

getting intense

all the mystery of

him

driving me

insane

 

i almost forgot

what it’s like to be

in love

i just remember

pain

 

whatever this is

i wanna see it through

wanna love

again

i’ve been dead

for so long

walking this earth

like a zombie-slave

digging my grave

 

to find love

is so rare

like a pearl

in the paw

of a bear

 

i gave up

thinking

it’s not real

just mother

natures

way

of

sealing the deal

 

if i ever fall

in love again

it better be real

 

oh, samsara…you make me feel

unreal…

loves magnetic force

vibrating

me off course

unworldly love

that

created

the universe….

 

the primal

essence

of your sweat

anointing

my body

in

heat

my

lips

swelling

with desire

melting like honey

on fire

 

only love

can

do

this

to me

 

otherwise

it will not be

 

may it erase

all the pain

for

you and me

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

are

you the one

sweet and juicy

are you the one

sensitive and smart

are you the one

kind and gentle

my heart is beating

i hear yours too

are you my prince

you deserve a princess

you are so sweet

 and romantic

is it the heat

i feel your heat

is it you

i love your mind

is it me

you are a lover

it’s been so long

karma is weird

i don’t know

who i am

will i find

myself in

you

drinking coffee now

a million things left undone

sitting in chaos

 

crystal chandelier

above this table of things

like the twinkling stars

 

cream in my coffee

swirling like the milky way

to the event horizon

 

i am losing touch

always driving in my car

looking at nature

 

i see the beauty

it takes my breath away

soon i will be dead

 

wasting so much time

as if time did not exist

take me to Shambhala

i was once in love

i never dreamed it would end

story of my life

a caterpillar

in a soft cocoon

sleeping until noon

her wings spread

across the wide bed

happy to be alone

the snake slitherssssss

invading her privacy

eating her alive

but she will

survive

 

 

 

he

 let a fly in

the fucking fly

the fucker let in

i wanted to kill him

and so i did

but the other fucker

is still alive

fucking around

like a dirty

fly

 

i

let the fly

into my life

why

i felt sorry

for him

my house feels

so dirty

when he’s here

when he’s gone

i burn sage

 

sweet raspberries

juicy mangos

the dough rolls

and folds

oceanic

squid spray

perfumed

bliss

licking

buttery

buns

 

 

the mystic dream

of love in the mist

like fog in a graveyard

where hungry ghosts roam

dreaming souless

heart ripped

remnants

of  life remain

like a chicken

quivering headless

 

 

 

 

 

 

so

much in love

with love

my heart aches

so little time left

so much love

so much love so much love

so many loveless

so much pain

here i am

i want to

fall in love

to fall in love

to fall in love

to fall in love

to fall

in  love

again

 

where are you

the one

i must fall in love with

what are you waiting for

i can’t stand it much

longer

i want to be in love

i want to be in love

i want to be in love

i want to be in love

i want to be in love i want to be in love

i want to be in tlove

want to be in love

i want to be in love

i want to be in love

i ewnat to neb in love

i want tone in love

i want tone in love

i want to be in love

i want to be in love

wan t o be in love

oi want to be in love

i want be in love

i want tot be in love inna t to be in tlove

i want to be in ove

i want to be involve i want to be inlove

i want be in tolove

i want to be in love i wanton be inlove

iwnant tone intolove

want to be in love

want to be lin love

i want to be in love

i want tone in love

i want tomb in love

i want tone in love

i want to be in love

i want to be involve

i want to be in love

i want to be in love

i want to be in love

i want tone in love

want tone in love

i want tone in love

i want to be innlove

i want to be in love

i want too be in love

i want tote in love

want to be involve i want to be in tone

i want to be involve iwqnt to bebnin love

i want tot be inmlove

i want to be in love

i wan t to be in love

want to be in lobe

i want to be in love

i want tot be in love i want o weber in love

i want to be in olive e

i want to be in love

i want to be in love

i want to be inmlove

i want to be in love i want to be in love

i want tone in love

i want to be innlov e

i want to be inlove

want to be in love

i want to be in love

i want to be in love

i want to be in love

i want ro be in tlove

i want to be in love

i want to be in love

i want to be in love i want too be in love i want to be in love i want to be in love

i want to be in love

i want to be in love

want tot be in love

want to be in love

i want tone in love

i want to be in love

love to be inmlove

i want to be in love

i want to be inlove

i want to be inlove

imwant tone inlove

i want to be in  love i want tone in love

iwqnt o the inlove

i want to be in love

want tomb inlove

i want to be inlove

i want tone in love

iwqnt to be inlove’

i wnnq be in love i wqnnnq be in love

i wanna be in love

i wqnnnq be in love

i wanna be involve

to be in love

not wanting

i can’t believe i’m still alive living without love

without passion

my sanity intact

i would

rather be insane with love

rather be insane

rather be insane

with love

than be sane

without

i never met anyone

with deep enough love

only deep inside the flesh

blind to my heart ache

Sometimes i feel

like i am

the only one real

forcing me to see

myself

as love to love me

all I wanted  was

to know

the truth

of this life

why so many gate keepers

for a heart

that’s free

 

 

sucking and slurping lemon

they watched with distain

as the juice dripped down her chin

and her lips in pain

why did she eat this lemon ?

it wasn’t for fame

they thought she was deluded

or was she insane ?

she only wanted the truth

they wanted her head

so she let them have their way

like the men in her bed

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ha ha ha

he made me laugh so hard

gave me easy things
to do

but the easy became
difficult
and the laughter
pain

now i sit here
free from
his laughter
and ramblings

drunk on
the junk
of my wild
horse
mind

pondering
memories
of

my guru

 

 

 

 

 

 

falling in love

always knew there was

a mystery to solve

always looking out there

never looking in here

at last we meet…

like the eclipse of the sun….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

she thought she was a butterfly

they thought she was a stick of butter

so she fluttered away

into

the

sea

of

ghee

 

 

not wanting to harm
i scoop ant with a napkin
now he is limping

(2014)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

fuschia petunias
and the taste of cardamom
orchids listening

(2014)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

drinking tea all day
i can not get to sleep tonight
tomorrow is here

(2014)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i did a painting of a naked goddess
he wanted it so bad
he bought it
like all the hookers

(2017)

 

 

rosewater on face
milk with honey
this is love
drizzle the mid-east
with opium
drop flower bombs
rose petals and lotus blossoms
intoxicate
blow their minds
blast the air with

love
the only weapon
left unused
nothing else worked
nothing else exists

love is life
life is love
life is a lover

or is this the ramblings
of a crazy

zit

(2017)

 

 

 

 

 

 

(2017)

 

the dry snow slides between the yellow sky

each flake streaming down a copper straw

the wind sifts and becomes a misty air

blowing against the copper straws

clanging

clanging

millions and zillions

copper straws hanging from

nowhere everywhere

stars pollinate the earth

liquid flowers flow

nothing left

but a smooth glass earth

and a blue smoke swirling

inside it

in the beginning

god created the heavens

and the earth

in the ending

god pulled his plug

(1967)

 

 

 

 

 

 

the rocks that rumble silently are mine

earth sounds i hear beat rolls across my room

i scratch the beat  that’s dead created time

and weave into this solid mass time loom

rock is the photograph of times ruin

continuation clings like a disease

yet the living sleep inside a tomb

entertaining themselves with memories

winding antique clocks under christmas trees

ignorant of timeless and flawless days

writing diaries and painting the seas

chiseling emotions from time stained clays

and i pity us, if we too follow

these blind hypocrites  in time they wallow

(1967)